Monday, March 9, 2009

The Importance of Trust


Anyone who has ever attended one of my polyamory relationships skills programs knows how much I emphasize the importance of maintaining trust in poly relationships, though in truth, it is a key ingredient in the success of pretty much any relationship. It's just especially important and sometimes a bit more tricky for polyamorous people until they get the hang of it.

A workshop attendee recently pointed out the old adage that three things are necessary to keep a marriage happy: trust, respect, and friendship. I basically agree, though I think love is a pretty important ingredient, too.

Today I came across this excellent article by Michael S. Wade on the US News website called "Ten Ways You'll Erode Trust." It's written for the workplace, but most of it applies equally well to intimate relationships, even moreso to polyamorous ones. Check it out!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I THOUGHT I WAS A 65 YEAR OLD WEIRDO UNTIL I CAME ACROSS YOU SHORT VIDEO ON CNN. IT'S ALL ABOUT TRUST AND LOVE FOR THE PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TOO. I HAVE ONLY DISCUSSED THIS WITH MY CLOSEST FRIENDS AND NONE OF THEM AGREE WITH ME ABOUT HAVING MORE THAN 1 PARTNER. I'VE BEEN THROUGH 3 MARRIAGES AND NEITHER WORKED BECAUSE ONCE THE CAT WAS OUT OF THE BAG THE HUBBIES GOT DISTANCE! ALTHOUGH, ONE HUBBY WAS ACTUALLY DOING JUST WHAT I DISCRIBED BUT IN SECRET AND I KNEW IT...AND I NEVER BROUGHT IT UP! I SHOULD HAVE MOVED OUT OF THE SOUTH!!

Anita Wagner said...

You are not alone, you are far from being the only person who feels like you do, and from our experience some people are just naturally polyamorous and that inclination doesn't concern itself with our religious and cultural upbringing. I was raised in the south myself and I get what you are saying. Please feel free to write to me at anita.wagner@practicalpolyamory and I'll put you in touch with some poly people you may enjoy. Also if you let me know where you are I may be able to refer you to a local poly community.

As it happens I'm at the annual Poly Living Conference in Philadelphia as I write this, where there are people of a wide range of age groups, but probably the biggest piece of it are your contemporaries. Take heart.