Monday, April 25, 2011
For most of us, learning to communicate has meant staying as Rosenberg puts it, "up in our head" rather than in our heart. "Feelings are simply not important. We are trained to be 'other-directed' rather than be in contact with ourselves," says Dr. Rosenberg
We have more words for calling people names in our everyday vocabulary then we have for clearly expressing our emotional state. It's easier to call someone a name than to stop and connect with our own feelings and needs.
We are taught to approach a problem in an analytical way. Finding the "right way to think" will serve us better every time, we're told.
But what we really need for guiding our way and finding a solution that best serves all involved is to keep our head out of our heart. This means checking in with how we feel in the situation first and then using our head to develop strategies for dealing with the present challenge.
It's important to use both our ability to think AND to feel.
This is most excellent advice, even for me, and I'm very much a feelings kind of person. It's especially good for people contemplating polyamory. It's all too easy to plunge in based on a thoroughly rational assessment of the concept and in so doing being completely unprepared for the emotional aspects of taking this big step. So if you are working on some challenge related to an alternative relationship, please be sure to give your heart equal time and consider how you feel about it as much as what you think about it. Notice what words you use when discussing it. Do you begin sentences with "I feel ....." or with "I think ...."? It's a big tipoff as to whether you are presently speaking from your head or heart. By doing both, you are much more likely to find happiness.
Free Spirit Beltane. Registration has closed and it is sold out, and no wonder considering what a great job Turtlehill Events does at organizing this event. Every year there are new opportunities to explore sacred sexuality, along with learning practices and skills to utlize to heighten and enhance these experiences.
I suppose my workshops fall into the latter category. In other workshops attendees might learn how to experience physical pain as an ordeal and rite of passage, but my work is more about learning to manage, resolve or avoid pain of the relationship-related emotional kind. I'll be presenting three workshops:
Dinner will lead directly into the Fires of Venus ritual, described as "Tonight we begin a Sacred Love Spell. A spell that will touch our lives, open our hearts, and change the way we move through the world." And, of course, somewhere along the way we'll dance the maypole (phallic design complete with Prince Albert piercing) and add a fourth or so layer of interwoven ribbon that takes on layer and layer of energy and meaning with every passing Beltane celebration.
I'll be staying with all my friends from Sandbox Explorations, and as usual, we have a community kitchen planned. My job is to set up the coffee station and make sure we all have hot, immediately available, good quality coffee each morning.
Now, if only the Gods and Goddesses will smile upon us and gift our senses with warmth and sunshine!
- Emotional Edge Play: Polyamory for BDSM/Leather/Fetish Folks
- Safe Enough and Free Enough: Communication and Boundaries in Alternative Relationshipland
- The Shadow Side of Eros: Sex Addiction