Poly Advice for Newbies on Polyamory Weekly Podcast

I recently posted a review here of the awesome time I had at Polycamp NW in August. While I was there, I got an invitation from Cunning Minx to sit down and record some of what I contributed to the discussion in a workshop she had done earlier in the afternoon. It was a thoroughly gorgeous day, bright, warm sunshine and the glories of the Pacific Northwest all around us. We found a picnic table under a tree away from the crowd and had a very easy and natural conversation, which you can listen to here.

September 23 is Sexual Freedom Day!

Tomorrow is Sexual Freedom Day, established as such by the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance, September 23 being its namesake Victoria Woodhull's birthday. I thought I'd take a minute and let you know that I will be attending and participating in tomorrow's activities as a recognized member of the polyamory leadership community. I did this last year as well. Woodhull is based here in DC and does excellent work on behalf of all of us. In case you aren't familiar with them, their mission is, in part: "... to affirm sexual freedom as a fundamental human right, working towards a world that fulfills the words of the United States Supreme Court that

“…our laws and tradition afford constitutional protection to personal decisions relating to marriage, procreation, contraception, family relationships, child rearing, and education. In explaining the respect the Constitution demands for the autonomy of the person in making these choices, we (the court) stated as follows:

‘These matters, involving the most intimate and personal choices a person may make in a lifetime, choices central to personal dignity and autonomy, are central to the liberty protected by the Fourteenth Amendment. At the heart of liberty is the right to define one’s own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life. Beliefs about these matters could not define the attributes of personhood were they formed under compulsion of the State.” Planned Parenthood of Southeastern Pa. v. Casey, 505 U. S. 833 (1992) quoted in Lawrence v. Texas, 539 U.S. 558 (2003)"

Pretty awesome, huh? Woodhull Executive Director Ricci Levy (right) is a member of the Polyamory Leadership Network and very well connected to the polyamory community. As such, all of we polyamorists have a connection with Woodhull, so it seems doubly appropriate to call your attention to tomorrow's festivities.

Another poly leader also participating in tomorrow's Sexual Freedom Day activities is New York City poly community organizer and attorney Diana Adams, Esq., (left) who will be one of six panelists to speak tomorrow afternoon to the topic "Sexual Outlaws: The Prohibition of Pleasure." Tomorrow evening I am attending a VIP reception hosted by Woodhull board members sex educator Nina Hartley (yes, THAT Nina Hartley, below left) and author Carol Queen (below right) of San Francisco's Center for Sex and Culture. After that there will be dinner and the presenting of the "Vicki" Sexual Freedom Awards to three deserving individuals whose work has substantially furthered the cause of sexual freedom. It promises to be a great day.

In 2010 Woodhull published the 163 page report, "State of Sexual Freedom in the United States" to which Deborah Anapol contributed and which is definitely worth the read. You can download the pdf of it for a (small if necessary) donation here .

Lest anyone wonder whether there will actually be any examples of sexual freedom associated with this event, a local friend is having a play party this weekend at which Nina Hartley will be a special guest, and all the proceeds go to support Woodhull. Nina is a friend and an awesome sex educator these days, and it will be fun to see her in, um, action, doing something that she does best - raising awareness of the importance of the mission of the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance.

I know times are tough and budgets are tight for a lot of people, but every donation, even a small one that you wish could be larger, will be greatly appreciated and put to good use on behalf of sexual freedom for everyone. Please think about supporting The Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance with whatever treasure you have to share. You can do this here.

My Excellent Summer Vacation, Part I - Polycamp NW

So it's back to school time, and I'm here to answer that time-honored question asked of students returning from summer break - what did you do on your summer vacation?  Somehow I doubt anyone answered quite like this.  Well, except for the kids who were at Polycamp NW, and there were a lot of those. 

Last October at the Poly Living conference I met Quintus, the organizer of Polycamp NW, a family-friendly camp event held at the Environmental Learning Center (ELC) in Millersylvania State Park near Olympia, WA.  The ELC is a wonderful private area nested under old growth cedar and fir trees near Deep Lake - breathtakingly beautiful!  Quintus invited me to present poly programs, I agreed, and I'm so glad I did. 

Seattle is one of my most favorite places with it's rocking poly/alternative community, it's natural beauty, and its rep as US studioglass mecca.  Usually looking at art glass is a must do activity for me when I visit Seattle, but this time I didn't buy any glass but instead spent my time with the wonderfully warm and loving local poly community, as well as many who came from Western Canada, Portland, Oregon, and other parts of the region.  The sun shone brightly and the weather was spectacular during my entire visit.    

Quintus's charming and handsome house mate Lydia (pronounced "li-DAY-uh", above right) picked me up at SEATAC, and we took the ferry across the sound to west Seattle.  There we found Quintus, his beautiful wife, Francisca, (above left) and his extended poly family in the final throes of preparing food and loading a van and two trucks with supplies and a huge abundance of fresh foods to feed the 195 people who would be in attendance.  And feed us they did.  His friend Doug did an awesome job as chef, he and the volunteers cooked up delicious, nutritious meals all weekend long. 

The weather was perfect and the drive south to Olympia spectacular!   I had a hard time focusing on my community organizing conversation with Quintus with a sweeping expanse of water on our right and Mount Ranier in all it's magesty floating on the horizon to our left. 

Anyway, we arrived early Friday afternoon and immediately started unloading and helping set up the large and well-equipped lodge kitchen. 

The program for the weekend was quite eclectic, partly on poly topics and partly on fun classes for families with kids.  It was so good to see so many families there and to know that the older kids had a place to be where their family was more similar to those of the other kids than is often so in the mainstream world.  The ever beautiful Cunning Minx gave a workshop on poly dating, and then she interviewed me for her latest Poly Weekly Podcast on advice for poly newbies.  I gave two workshops, one I call Emotional Edge Play:  Polyamory for BDSM/Leather/Fetish Folks, and a second on Poly/Mono relationships that got huge attendance. 

There was an adult cabin section that was set well apart from the cabins and camping area for families with kids, and that gave those interested in adult activities a place in which to pursue them.  There was a class on rope bondage and a good discussion on the latest in safer sex practices.  There were also activities at night for everone, including a talent show and a blues dance at which someone taught the adults how to do a very sexy, sultery dance to blues music.  Very hot stuff.   

It was SO lovely to reconnect with friends I hadn't seen in a while, like Minx, the Erosong family, Teresa Greenan, and Sue Tinney and Christopher Bingham of The Bone Poets Orchestra (formerly Gaia Consort).  Sue and I shared a ride back to Seattle, and I admit to developing a bit of a girl crush on her as we got to know each other better. 

I had such a great time at Polycamp NW.  Quintus and his dedicated team created a very happy space for 195 poly people and their kids to get together and revel in what it is that we all have in common.  It was worth the money and travel time, and this definitely won't be my last time at Polycamp NW.  Join me there next year, won't you?

FetFest Poly Village

I am delighted to be hosting the Poly Village at the first ever FetFest. This event is shaping up to be amazingly unique. Every village has it's own activities planned, plus there will be many, many event-wide activities. Fell free to click on the blue ad to the left here to register, easy breezy.

The poly village theme is Free Love 2.0, i.e. Free Love all grown up where we know better how to make it work while holding on to the spirit of non-judgmental love and sexuality freely shared.


FRIDAY

Free Love 2.0 party - We'll kick off the poly village activities Friday night with a Free Love 2.0 party/open house, so get out your hippie gear (there will be groovy prizes for the most authentically dressed hippies), bring a bottle of Boones Farm, share some munchies and feel the love. We'll be playing Hendrix, Joplin, Crosby Stills Nash, Led Zeppelin. There will be black lights and posters, and with your the participation it will be the Summer of Love all over again.

SATURDAY

Workshop: The Green Eyed Monster - Lolita Wolf will present a workshop on dealing with jealousy tentatively scheduled for Saturday morning from 10AM to 11:30AM. (See program to verify time and for location.)

Workshop: Emotional Edge Play, Polyamory for BDSM/Leather/Fetish Folk Yours truly will present a workshop that will give you what you need to know to create or enhance your kinky Free Love 2.0 experience, tentatively scheduled for Saturday afternoon from 2:30PM to 4PM. (See program to verify time and for location.)

Animal House Toga Party FOOD FIGHT! The Poly Village will sponsor this not-to-be missed and essential element of any Animal House Toga Party. Sploshers welcome!

SUNDAY

The Free Love Guru is in! Bummed out because somebody harshed your Free Love buzz? The Free Love Guru (um, that would be me, Anita) says "Lay it on me!” Sunday between 2PM and 4PM and get some sound poly advice. (Also known as “Office Hours”)

ALL WEEKEND

Poly Cocktails - We tend to gather for BYOB cocktails (though some have been known to mix up batches of fun stuff to share) about 5PM each day and sit in a big circle chatting, drinking, having a hell of a good time. We've done this at other events and it's great fun with a lot of camaraderie.

Poly Community Kitchen - Why buy the food plan when you can join the village denizens for a delicious, moderately priced meal prepared by our own excellent cooks? And where better to fulfill your two hour work commitment (if you don't buy it out) than by making a contribution to community meals by assisting with meal prep and cleanup? Dinners will be served Friday, Saturday and Sunday evenings. Bring your own breakfast and lunch (though there might be leftover dinner food for lunch, not guaranteed.) Or buy breakfast and lunch elsewhere onsite.

Lucky Gentlemen’s and Ladies’ Club - We are fortunate to have poly village denizens and veteran amateur strip club operators Tasty Tina and Pagan Paul, with the able assistance of Joester23 running the ever popular Lucky Gentlemen’s and Ladies’ Club, which is sponsored by the Poly Village. The Club will be open every night - be sure to bring some $$$ for the dancers, all contributions will go to NCSF.

Poly Lyrics in Contemporary Hip-Hop/Rap

Looks like the most powerful artists in hip-hop today are including poly concepts in their writing.  I'm speaking of Kanye West's & Jay-Z's No Church In The Wild featuring Frank Ocean (From the album Watch The Throne 2011) 

The following is the second verse of the first track on the new album  The song is called "No Church in the Wild" and was written by Kanye West:

We formed a new religion
No sins as long as there’s permission’
And deception is the only felony
So never f-ck nobody wit’out tellin’ me

Sunglasses and Advil
Last night was mad real
Sun comin’ up, 5 a.m.
I wonder if they got cabs still

Thinkin’ ’bout the girl in all-leopard
Who was rubbin’ the wood like Kiki Shepard
Two tattoos, one read “No Apologies”
The other said “Love is cursed by monogamy”

That’s somethin’ that the pastor don’t preach
That’s somethin’ that a teacher can’t teach

CARAS Con Addresses Polyamory Community Needs

Yesterday was a great day.  I had the privilege of mixing and mingling with about 50 people, a great mixture of academics, students, researchers and community advocates, who gathered together in Washington, DC, to learn about and discuss issues and methods around meeting the therapeutic and informational needs of alternative sexuality communities, including polyamorists, at the 5th annual conference of the Community-Academic Research Consortium for Alternative Sexualities.

The day started with a plenary address by author and sex therapist Gloria Brame who spoke about many things, including the need to correct misunderstandings about what constitutes sex addiction and the continuing effects of sex negativity in the United States.  Gloria is a well known and highly respected champion of the BDSM community, and after our having become friends on Facebook, it was delightful to finally have an opportunity to meet her in person.  I am very much looking forward to reading her new book, The Truth About Sex, A Sex Primer for the 21st Century Volume I: Sex and the Self.

Some of the poly-related programs included the presentation of research results around polyamory and bisexuality, and about polyamory in the context of personal freedom.  I facilitated a discussion at lunch time about what alt sex communities need from researchers.  There were many good suggestions, including emphasis by three attendees who were college students who spoke about the lack of options to gather with other non-monogamous and/or kinky people on their campuses.  NCSF's Judy Guerin spoke on behalf of that organization, and we both encouraged others to establish their own groups but to also reach out to those of us who can advise them along the way.

Programming continued in the afternoon with great choices for an advocate like myself - I had no problem deciding what to take in, there was always at least one session I wanted to attend. 

Networking opportunities abound at this conference.  I connected with people I hadn't seen in many years who had traveled to Washington to attend the conference.  It was great to have the opportunity to see and meet CARAS board members who live elsewhere.  I was delighted to see the awesome Catherine Gross, and to finally meet Kink-Aware Professionals founder Race Bannon. 

It is CARAS's tradition to present a case study as it's closing plenary, and my partner, who is a recovering sex addict, and I were the case, with a focus on healing sex addiction/compulsion and sexual sobriety in a polyamorous context.  We told our story of closing and then rebuilding our relationship after my partner revealed his addiction to me about nine months ago, our journey in therapy both together and separately, and how it was necessary to find our own path to wholeness again since the traditional prescription for sex addicts/compulsives and their partners doesn't work for us, at least not for me as a sex-positive advocate.  A local employed psychiatrist (whose name I can't use for fear of career repercussions for him) answered questions from the audience from a clinical perspective.

We were told that it is highly unusual to have a case presented where more than one partner participates.  That my partner and I were both there to tell our story together is a credit to my partner, who has made serving others who struggle with sexual addiction/compulsion and serving those who help them a part of his own recovery journey.  Today we are doing well together, and I couldn't be prouder of him.

I'm hoping that the CARAS conference will be a longer one in the future.  This one day meeting was scheduled the day before the American Psychological Association conference that is now going on in Washington, D.C., and the polyamory and bisexuality program I reference above will be presented there as well.  I learned that this is the second year that polyamory appeared somewhere on the APA conference program, and that is a big development indeed.  For years we couldn't get any mainstream organization that serves the psychology community to touch the topic.  The times, they are a'changing, and CARAS gets a good sized piece of the credit.

Calling All Therapists! CARAS Alternative Sexualities Conference August 3, 2011

I'm excited!  The Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities ("CARAS") is holding it's "4th Annual Alternative Sexualities Conference: Cultural Competencies, Clinical Issues, Research" here in DC on Wednesday, August 3, 2011, 9AM to 6PM.  My partner and I will be presenting as a case our experiences and challenges with sexual addiction/compulsion in a polyamorous relationship context, and psychiatrist Dr. Gary Wynn will provide a clinical perspective, and facilitate the conversation.  Of course, the conference is about a lot more than that.

In my polyamory advocacy and educational work, I frequently encounter people who have had a bad experience when seeking therapy from a counselor who is not savvy about alternative relationships.  Some are so unaware as to be biased against nonmonogamy and are convinced that monogamy is the only healthy way.  Not so!   So if you are sick of having to bring a therapist up to speed in order to get the help you and yours need, please pass this information along to any therapist you know who could benefit by attending. 

For more details, click the flyer and read on.  Registration link and continuing education credits follow below. 



 







 



The registration form is here.

Lunch is provided .

California MFT and LCSW Relicensure:
Course meets the qualifications for 8 hours of continuing education credit
for MFTs and/or LCSWs as required by the California Board of
Behavioral Sciences. CARAS’s PCE # is 4789.

Psychologists: CARAS is approved by the American Psychological
Association to sponsor continuing education for psychologists.
CARAS maintains responsibility for this program and its content.

The Conference Schedule and Instructor credentials, including
relevant professional degree and discipline, current professional
position, and expertise in program content will be provided on the
CARAS website or by email request by July 21, 2011.