Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Call for Poly/Mono Relationship Stories

I am deep in development of an educational program on relationships where one partner is polyamorous and one prefers monogamy. To that end, I'm seeking personal stories and lists of both what to do and why, and what NOT to do and why.

This program will be presented for the first time at Dark Odyssey Winter Fire on Sunday, February 15 at 2:00 p.m. It will be presented at the Poly Living Conference the weekend of ebruary 27 to March 1, and I expect I'll be presenting it at other conferences as well later in the year. By participating you have an opportunity to help others by sharing the lessons you have learned along your poly/mono journey.

I will be happy to give you credit in the program handout upon request. If you must remain anonymous I will use a pseudonym for you, but do let me know about that up front at the top of your response.

By the way, I especially welcome the stories of the monogamous partners and promise to treat them respectfully. I intend to present a fair and balanced perspective on the challenges and rewards of this kind of relationship.

If you are willing, please cut and paste the questions below into an e-mail message and send them to me with your responses at anita.wagner@ practicalpolyamory.com.

Thanks so much!

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Please profide the following info:

Name:

Relationship configuration at present: (i.e. married and mono, not married but in a mono relationship, married and having a secret affair - I promise not to judge you! - living with my mono partner in a primary relationship and have a secondary relationship, etc.):

Sexual orientation of yourself and your partner(s):

How long you have been in your poly/mono relationship:

Whether polyamory has always been "on the table" or whether a partner raised the issue after making a monogamous commitment:

How long has it been since the subject of polyamory was first raised?

What is the status of your poly/mono relationship? (Thriving, broken up, closed again and mono/mono, etc.)

Are there children in the household? If so, are you out to them, and if so, how have they reacted?

What advice would you give to other poly/mono couples?

If the poly partner:

How did you first raise the issue of polyamory with your mono partner?

In hindsight, are you happy with the way the subject was raised or would you do it differently today? If so, how?

What are your recommendations to other polyamorists who are thinking of proposing polyamory to their mono partner? (An itemized list as opposed to a narrative would be helpful here.)

What is it about polyamory that made it important enough to you to go on this journey?

What have been the benefits of seeking to open your mono relationship?

What are the drawbacks?

Is there anything else you'd like to say, and if so, what?


If the mono partner:

What was your initial reaction to the idea of polyamory?

How would you have liked your poly partner to handle the discussion about polyamory differently, if any?

What are your recommendations to other polyamorists who are thinking of proposing polyamory to their mono partner? (An itemized list as opposed to a narrative would be helpful here.)

What advice would you give other monogamous people with poly partners?

What benefits have you experienced from the opening of the mono relationship, if any?

What are the drawbacks?

Is there anything else you'd like to say, and if so, what?

2 comments:

Matilda said...

We couldn't make it to Dark O this year, but I'd love to be able to see the results of this. Any chance for that?

Shawna Webster (we met a few years ago at some CPN events, but I haven't been active for a while) You can reach me at shawnawebster at gmail dot com.

Anita Wagner said...

I got way more stories than I could use. I've incorporated four of them into my handout which you can download at
http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/images/Lemons_and_Lemonade_-_Poly_Mono_Relationships.pdf