Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Dating Highway Recommends Polyamory as a Hookup Source

A couple of days ago I came across a blog post entitled "How To Get Too Many Dates Using Only One Powerful Word" on a blog named Dating Highway. I was dismayed to see some of what the author had to say about polyamory.

It goes like this:

Are you one of the millions searching the Internet in the hopes of finding a new best friend with benefits?

If so, then today is definitely your lucky day because I am going to teach you a single word which, if used correctly, almost quadruples your chances of hooking up with multiple dating partners willing to take it to the next level.

All you need to do is use this word with all of your friends as a kind of gentle ice breaker and see how they react. If they seem open to it, you’re in. If not, quickly change the subject and move on to better hunting grounds.

As an extra bonus, potential mates will be doubly impressed that you even know such a difficult word.

Huh! That's not been my experience. In fact, from what I've seen, proposing polyamory for the purposes this guy proposes to someone you don't know whom you've just met who is not a part of a poly-friendly community runs the considerable risk of getting you shot down in flames, especially by monogamously-minded people who are hoping to meet someone for a real relationship. This guy makes it sound like polyamory is all the rage these days. It's certainly gaining popularity, but popularity is a relative thing. There is still a huge majority of people who would never consider anything but monogamy and see anything but to be ethically/morally wrong.

To be fair, the author goes on to explain polyamory, though not very thoroughly. He mentions nothing about openness and honesty. He ends the post by saying the following:

There are also more tools than ever to help you score a poly mate. I recommend www.matchalot.com. Even though this site is still new and needs to get more members, it is still the best way around when it come to how to make new friends easily.

Never heard of it. Maybe he's pimping for his own matchmaking service, which wouldn't surprise me since the blog is heavily layered with commercial ads and infomercial posts.

I find it potentially telling that this guy has declined, at least so far, to publish my comment where I attempted to set straight some erroneous assumptions and impressions and suggested swinging as a legitimate and more appropriate means of finding casual hookup sex. Maybe he's on vacation and not seeing e-mail right now (she says, trying to give the benefit of the doubt...) I'm pretty sure the author is a man, if for no other reason that this gem of a piece of advice in another post on how to get more girlfriends:

Think like a drug dealer. Create a strong desire early, and then clamp down on the supply afterwards to keep them begging for more.

Yeah, man, that'll get 'em to come running! Nothing turns a girl on like a lot of passive-aggressive game-playing.


Anonymous said...

Yeah, I think I pretty much have had the same reaction when mentioning polyamory. "You do what now?" is the most usual response. It's not typically a great way to break the ice.

Rachael said...

What a tool.

Anonymous said...

1. As a man who has broached the subject of polyamory many many times, the last word you want to say is polyamory. You say it, just last. First, as you're getting to know someone, you talk about sex and relationships as they're a natural part of your life. You talk about women (and men, if applicable) in your life, but don't call them your girlfriend. Eventually the woman will be curious enough to ask about your girlfriend; that's when you explain. Bonus points if you tell them how it was such-and-such girl who first got you into it, and why.

Most of my friends are very comfortable with my practice, even if they don't agree with it. Just don't throw it up for shock value - that broadcasts that it's all about the sex and that you're not comfortable with your sex life.

Jessica said...

I did a Google search on polyamory a week ago as research for my website and stumbled upon the same article. I think that my opinion of the author mirrors yours.

I was taken by surprise that a guy would think that 'polyamory' could be used as a pick-up line. Based on my husband's and my experiences, a guy saying that he's poly (unless the woman is already poly) typically leads to them being rejected quickly.

Anonymous said...

I have lived the polyamoros life style for years but never knew it had a name. It's not a game...and I am always honest. I travel a lot for my career and enjoy seeing old lovers, getting caught up on each others lives, and making new memories before I have to say good bye again. In some cases, they have long standing boyfriends or husbands. In other cases, they live much like me...traveling or are just too wrapped up in work to settle down with one person. I don't see anything wrond with it. As long as you are upfront and honest about your intentions...and you live a "clean" lifestyle, it's very comfortable. The sex is great, the conversation is always fun, and we actually take care of each other. Believe it or not...it was actually a woman who got me to cast off my doubts and concerns about living like this. I promise you that I am never lonely...if I start to have a pity party, I just sit down and write one of my friends...and soon enough, they have me smiling. I honestly don't think that I will ever be able to be with just one woman...but I can tell you that I will always treat my lovers with respect, love, and kindness.