Monday, March 31, 2008

The Secret of Polyamory

Here’s a secret: If you and your partner have a solid relationship and each is committed to and values the other no matter who else enters the picture, then giving your partner the gift of freedom to love others, too, frequently causes them to love you even more for giving them this gift. The abundance of love they receive as a result of your generosity is likely to secure your place in their life far better than fits of anger and jealousy ever could. This is how it works in my life and the lives of many, many other polyamorists I know.

I feel significantly more secure in my primary relationship with T than I ever felt in either of my supposedly monogamous marriages where cheating led to a lot of heartbreak. T doesn't have to cheat if he feels a strong connection to another, and neither do I. Knowing that we have this option makes us both very happy and appreciative of each other.

7 comments:

Curvaceous Dee said...

Yes. Yes yes yes! Absolutely. A very concise, excellently phrased insight into the lives of myself and many other polyamorists.

The abundance of love they receive as a result of your generosity is likely to secure your place in their life far better than fits of anger and jealousy ever could.

Just .... yes! Thank you :)

xx Dee

Rebecca said...

Well,this makes PERFECT sense to me....now to get my husband to understand it a bit better ;)

dethas said...

This is exactly how things work in our home. A and I are the primary relationship and have benefitted no end from bringing B into the home. A and I are actually stronger and more secure than ever before. Of course - B is happy too :)

polyspace said...

This is absolutely, positively, wonderfully true. Michael used to come home from dates with Becky positively skipping with happiness, and he would SHOWER me with love and affection for being happy for him.

Anonymous said...

It would be sooo awesome to have Jay understand and join me in this endeavor. I agree with all of you...this is the way to ensure total happiness.

blessed-harlot said...

I just linked here from the polymono list. Thanks, Anita, this is a great reality check for me!

Carla said...

I've just discovered this blog, but wish I'd known of it long ago. I've been in a poly marriage for 12 years now, but we now find ourselves on the brink of separation...having nothing to do with our lifestyle.

Would be very grateful if someone could point me toward a resource for poly couples encountering a divorce.

I started my own blog yesterday on the topic: http://theevolutionofmarriage.blogspot.com/

I hope it's ok to provide the URL here.