Sunday, November 18, 2012

anita@practicalpolyamory.com has shared: The #1 Reason Why Men and Women Over 50 Cheat (It’s Not What You Think!)

Whew! The over 50 crowd's comments are brutal. It is very apparent from the comments that the idea that monogamy isn't natural scares people very badly indeed. It's a good article, though, and features a 28 minutes TED talk about why we cheat by ahropologist Helen Fisher Ph.D.- she's worth it.

So what do you think of this article?  It also references Esther Perel's work - Matingin Captivity - in which she is quoted as saying that people in a long term relationship should deal with the urge to cheat by being creative in the bedroom, in essence making your long-time lover your "new" lover. 

What do you think about this idea? 
   
The #1 Reason Why Men and Women Over 50 Cheat (It's Not What You Think!)
Source: blog.aarp.org
Your LifeAccording to Dr. Helen Fisher, the biological anthropologist, there is an ancient human tendency to partner and re-partner, which she calls the "four year itch."  A long time ago, it was ...
 
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3 comments:

John Ullman said...

Irene and I have been in our relationship since 1961. We began practicing polyamory in 1967 when we were in our mid twenties. In addition to having other lovers, some of them in common, we have "reinvented" our sex practices a few times over those five decades. Some of this was likely because of child bearing and aging, as our pink bits have not functioned quite the way they did when we were 18.

The beauty of polyamory is that it allows us to synthesize the good parts of having many lovers with the great parts of having one or more life long companions. My opinion is that people want both, and there is no reason why they shouldn't have both.

dave94015 said...

To me, the AARP post & comments illustrate that many older people prefer the nuclear family and react against alternative family arrangements. "Cheating" is their way of marginalizing or dismissing polyamory. Ms Perel's works appear to assuage their fear of the unknown and coach them back to the heteronormative society that their generation still clings to. Ms. Fisher, on the other hand, suggests that polyamory may actually be the "normal" of many other cultures.
Both Perel and Fisher have important ideas that should be considered by those interested in polyamory. Thanks for your links to them.

Anita Wagner Illig said...

John, thanks for being such a great role model and for giving readers here the benefit of your and Irene's considerable experience around these subjects.

Dave, I agree with your thoughts - I've had the pleasure of meeting Perel a couple of times, and I hope I get to meet Helen Fisher at some point, they are both heroes for telling it like it is as far as I am concerned.