Monogamy works well for some but not others. Social status, religion, race, sexual orientation, and political philosophy don’t matter. Honesty, openness, love, commitment, communication, patience, and egalitarianism do.
Here I pass along what I’ve learned and teach at events on common challenges polyamorists encounter and their practical remedies, along with thoughts on related subjects such as community organizing, activism, and sexual freedom. Feel free to comment – and welcome!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Amy Shiner on Huffington Post: A "Deli" Approach to Polyamory
Huffington Post Gay Voices Blogger Amy
Shiner tells a story there about being kinky and poly that I think
will resonate for many living their lives similarly. As I offered in comments, I've been working with kinky poly people as an educator for a while
now, and I've observed what she describes fairly often. Today the
practice of polyamory in kink circles seems to be all over the place,
some of which does not much resemble polyamory to me, but far be it from me
to tell anyone how they ought to identify.
What I do know is that humans are genetically programmed to pair bond -
just not exclusively. I am very much one who wants and needs such a
relationship foundation in my life. This innate desire transcends
polyamory and monogamy and speaks to the roots of who we are as human
beings. It's an evolutionary strategy so as to produce offspring and
better guarantee the survival of humankind. This doesn't take into
account whether we are fertile, whether we want to have children, or
even over-population. It just is. It seems clear to me that Amy is perhaps no
different from many other people.
Certainly not everyone wants this, but many do,
if not most. In order to find such a relationship partner, I recommend focusing on those who are emotionally available for engaging in
deeply pair bonded, committed long-term love relationships. Those
already committed to someone may not be able to offer enough of the time and attention needed by many, so those who are also single-ish like Amy is right now may be a
Those who are interested in finding out more about creating a kinky poly life may wish to check out my workshop handout entitled "Emotional Edge Play:
Polyamory for BDSM/Leather/Fetish Folk" for more on this.