Thursday, March 4, 2010

Finding our Own Edge and Setting Personal Boundaries

This is by no means a full treatment of this subject, only a few thoughts to share. 

This past weekend I taught a new class on Compersion during which I said that when it comes to determining our own boundaries in the context of polyamorous relationships, most of us don't have a societal model to guide us.  So sometimes the only means of knowing how much of a kind of involvement or activity suits us and how much is too much is by intentionally pushing our boundaries past our comfort level.  That's not always a bad thing, and in this case it's pretty much a necessary thing. 

To take this boundary-setting concept a step further, there are plenty of polyamorous people (who to me are also spiritual warriors) who hold the philosophy that pushing our own boundaries is part of the experience, the adventure, and the fun of living a polyamorous life.  Many of us, especially when fairly new to polyamory, do just that as we reach beyond our societally programmed beliefs and assumptions around freedom (or lack thereof) of sexual relationship choice.

What prompted me to make this post is the following Hunter S. Thompson quote, which came to me via anthropologist Kate Frank, and which captures well what I am saying:

"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." Hunter S Thompson 


House of Herring said...

We are currently reading a book on boundaries in marriage. Although written for two we are finding it greatly useful and modifying for three. ;)

Boundaries are very important for healthy relationship. Not only for your spouse(s) but a relationship with your ownself. It is very key to have the balance of all 3.

Joreth said...

"Your true self can be known only by systematic experimentation, and controlled only by being known." ~Frances Bacon