It is my personal belief that proving love for another through sacrificing personal happiness is not what love is. I certainly get no satisfaction out of a partner sacrificing their own happiness for me, quite the opposite. My hope and intention as a partner is to do all I can to support that which gives my partner happiness. Doing so can and has at times cost me a bit in terms of comfort level, but the discomfort always passes.
So, my personal boundary is well short of being willing to sacrifice personal happiness beyond that point. It's not that my partner(s) aren't worth some sacrifice. It's that thinking that love = sacrifice is an example of the unhealthy influence of mainstream monogamy and religious dogma-inspired life. It is anethema to the concept that love = abundance. Most mindfully poly people I know get the difference, which is significant.
Monogamy works well for some but not others. Social status, religion, race, sexual orientation, and political philosophy don’t matter. Honesty, openness, love, commitment, communication, patience, and egalitarianism do. Here I pass along what I’ve learned and teach at events on common challenges polyamorists encounter and their practical remedies, along with thoughts on related subjects such as community organizing, activism, and sexual freedom. Feel free to comment – and welcome!
1 comment:
It is anethema to the concept that love = abundance. All too many people don't grok that, I think.
xx Dee
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