Monogamy works well for some but not others. Social status, religion, race, sexual orientation, and political philosophy don’t matter. Honesty, openness, love, commitment, communication, patience, and egalitarianism do.
Here I pass along what I’ve learned and teach at events on common challenges polyamorists encounter and their practical remedies, along with thoughts on related subjects such as community organizing, activism, and sexual freedom. Feel free to comment – and welcome!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Come Out and Celebrate EVERYONE'S Freedom to Love!
Happy National Coming Out Day, Y'all!
Thirty years have passed since I first became aware of my attraction to women as well as men, though I didn't come out as bisexual until much later when I came out as poly in the mid 1990s. Since then, as an educator and activist I've made many LGBT friends who feed my spirit and enrich my life. Some are mentors, some are colleagues, and some are good friends. Though there is still some remaining ground to cover as regards LGBT rights, the movement has come a long way, something everyone, GLBTs and allies, including polyamorists, can celebrate today.
As someone who finds value in stepping back and observing the bigger picture, I feel grateful for the work LGBT activists have done over the years to make this day possible. I know, whether intended or not, that it can't help but facilitate better acceptance of families of choice in whatever form they take, including open romantic sexual relationships between more than two of whatever gender and orientation.
But let's also remember what today is also about - coming out and being out. Many of us are able to be out as polyamorous because much of the wider culture has learned that not everyone wants, needs or desires the same thing when it comes to love, sex and relationships. There has never been a better time to come out as polyamorous! It is important not to hide your love away behind irrational fears of retribution. On the other hand, if you know absolutely that the risk of losing a job you can't easily replace or parental rights, take caution. No one has the right to ask you to take potentially damaging risks of that magnitude. Even if it isn't good timing for coming out just now, it's a worthy goal to which to work toward when the time is right.
I was delighted to arrive at work today to find this message in my email in box. I am proud and grateful to work for an employer that takes such matters seriously and values social justice and inclusiveness.