Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Vagaries of Relationship Success and Longevity

There's a fun website called The Frisky I've been frequenting lately because there is often content there on polyamory. There's a new article there by a woman who was part of a MFF poly triad for a while. She talks about how that went and how it all changed over time and why.

The author, Anya James, wrote:

One of the best lines I’ve heard came from a member of our poly discussion group back home: “A relationship’s value does not depend on its length.” Each stage of a relationship is a part of your life, and doesn’t have to last forever to be successful.

I am not afraid of our relationship changing. It’s not that I value it any less; Ellie is the sunshine of my life. But we’ve learned to embrace change as a constant in our lives, bringing us endless possibilities for adventure and self-discovery.

I've been known to say myself that the only thing we can be sure that will not change is that things will continue to change. I've also said before that I don't consider either of my marriages to have been a failure. They were good for a while, but, well, things changed.

I find myself in a situation with a relationship where a change could be on the horizon. I hope not, but reading this article was rather timely in that it reminded me that it's wise not to become too dependent on a person or relationship. People change, shit happens, and sometimes relationships come to an end. It's sad, and I'm hoping that's not what's waitng for me. I certainly plan to do all I can to avoid it. Still, it helps to remember that such is life - and love.

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