2010 Oscar Winner Mo'Nique Declares Hers an Open Marriage

3/7/10 UPDATE:  I wrote this post before Mo'Nique's interview with Barbara Walters aired on Sunday night just before the Academy Awards program.  Now that I've seen it I must make a correction.  Sidney and Mo'Nique have been married a few years amd have been best friends for over 25 years.  Sidney is Mo'Nique's third husband. 

Congratulations to Mo'Nique for winning the Oscar for best supporting actress!  - AW
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Thanks to Practical Polyamory reader Renee for this tip.  Actress Mo'Nique, who is nominated to win an academy award Sunday evening for her role as an abusive mother in the oscar-nominated film Precious, has said in her segment of Barbara Walters' oscar special that she and her husband of 25 years, Sidney Hicks, have an open marriage. 

This is remarkable on two fronts.  First, it's remarkable that she has said this in such a visible media event - the few celebrities who have acknowledged their open relationships, most notably oscar winner Tilda Swinton and action hero Will Smith and actress wife Jada Pinkett Smith, have said as much, but not in anything close to such a high profile interview as this.  Second, and more important, is what she says in this quote from the MSNBC article reported on by Entertainment Tonight about her interview with Walters:

“What if [your husband has sex with another] 20 times?” [Walters] asked, to which Mo'Nique replies, "So what? We’ve been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are. Oftentimes, people get into marriages and they don’t know who they’re laying next to. I’m very comfortable and secure with my husband.”

And there you have it.  This relationship has lasted 25 years and appears to still be strong.  It's pretty clear that one of the reasons is that Mo'Nique and Sidney know and trust each other and are wise enough not to use marriage as an emotional and sexual prison.  Mo'Nique goes on to say that she herself hasn't engaged in affairs with anyone but her husband.  She is surely a strong woman who understands what I call The Secret of Polyamory, or so I like to think.  And still, advocates for traditional marriage continue to cling to and aggressively promote a paradigm that clearly doesn't bring long-term happiness to many people and, in fact, poses significant risks to a marriage's long-term prospects by attempting to cage human romantic love and sexuality.

We advocates for polyamory and open relationships have believed for quite a while now that there are surely many celebrities in such marriages who have not seen fit to make it public, but it would come as a considerable surprise if this turns out not to be the case.  Considering how much celebrities travel, how often they are separated from their spouses for fairly lengthy periods of time, how lonely that must be for them and how many other attractive people they interact with, open relationships would seem a logical choice, so long as the marriage/relationship in question is as strong and intentionally well defined as those of Swinton, the Smiths, and my new heroine, Mo'Nique.

Tiger Woods's Affairs and the Latest Episode of Celebrity Infidelity

Of course, Tiger Woods's extramarital relationships are THE big news right now.  I came across this cartoon just as I was musing about the similarities with the South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford affair that broke in June of this year.  Though not identical in that Sanford appears to have genuinely fallen in love with his mistress, while Woods seems to have connections that are more sex-based, couples can and do negotiate agreements that permit either or both.  (Another of my posts on the Sanford story can be found here.  This one includes political cartoons.)

And of course, we have no idea what agreement may exist between Tiger and Elin Woods, or how she as a European views infidelity.  They are said to be in counseling together, though today's news is that Elin may have purchased a home in Sweden on an island reachable only by ferry and gone there with the children.  If so, Tiger's situation may sadly mirror Governor Sanford's even more closely, i.e. resulting in the breakup of the family.  It seems pretty clear that Tiger's sexual relationships weren't conducted openly with Elin Woods's knowledge.  Still, wouldn't it be better if they had some sort of agreement that permitted connecting with others so long as trust isn't broken?  Trouble is that I doubt there's any wife who'd not be outraged by being subjected to the media frenzy surrounding this story and very concerned about protecting her children from prying eyes and hurtful comments.

It would seem that even the most talented, successful and wealthy among us share the same relationship challenges as we regular people.  When it comes to faith and trust in marital relationships, the playing field is even for all of us.  No one is exempt from having to be accountable for breaking relationship agreements.  A lot of pain and difficulty could be avoided if the Woodses, like Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, agreed that sexual flings were OK so long as commitment to the marriage is genuine and not undermined by intimacy with others.   

Jada Pinkett Smith is SO one of us ... and so is Will

DC's local NBC affiliate's website has video today of interviews with Will Smith and Rosario Dawson on their new film, Seven Pounds. Both discuss Will's nervousness about shooting the steamy love scenes between the two of them.

Apparently this is the first really hot sex scene Will has done. Hard to believe, I know, but apparently true. The interviewer was shocked to hear that Will wanted Jada to be on the set and watching when the scene was shot - which Rosario says he kept putting off until the end of production.

Will says he was very nervous about being in bed with Rosario and her being naked. He didn't want to touch the wrong place or do the wrong thing, and there are all those production people looking on to add to the stress. Sounds like he didn't want rumours getting back to Jada, which seems strange since it's common knowledge that they have an open relationship, at least in theory. In fact, the following is a direct quote from Will:

'In our marriage vows, we didn't say "forsaking all others". We said, "You will never hear I did something afterwards". Because if that happens, the relationship is destroyed.'

Will's also been quoted in the past saying that they have an agreement that if they sexually desire someone, they talk about it and go from there. He has also said that Jada is the queen of his life, and that as along as she is happy and he doesn't do anything to hurt her or make her unhappy, then yes, sexual flings are an option.

At first his reluctance and nervousness on the set seems inconsistent with that admission, but I imagine the burden for public figures is much greater in terms of getting attention from the press about anything that remotely smells of infidelity. I can see why he'd not want any rumors to be flying about that might upset his and Jada's agreement and introduce doubt about their agreement to be transparent to each other when they fancy someone else.

Jada *was* on the set, and she told Will in front of Rosario and others that ...

...he was not to embarrass her (by wimping out) and that he "had to bring it ..."

That Jada is one cool lady! Rosario says there was lots of tongue, and that she could tell it was permitted, though Jada didn't say so specifically.

I hate to think that Hollywood actors actually have to negotiate every move with their realtime loves when they do love scenes with others, but jealousy knows no boundaries when left on its own to do what it will. But of course, most of the movie set sex scenes are carried out with somebody really hot, so I guess it makes sense that it has very real power to push buttons.