We Need One Another

I saw Vince Gill, Winona Judd, and Bebe and Cece Winans perform this together live on Oprah last week. The song put to the images here is even more moving - enjoy!

Marianne Williamson on America's Non-Violent Revolution

OK, so I'm continuing my examination of the outcome of last week's presidential election for a little longer. The following certainly isn't poly-specific, yet I know how much it resonates with the idealists amongst us.

I've been a fan of Marianne Williamson for many years. Her latest blog post on the election of Barak Obama is, as is often true for her, an inspiration that superlatives fail to adequately describe, so as always, I'll leave it to you to judge for yourself. Williamson writes:

In the l960's, we wanted peace but we ourselves were angry. This time, after hearing Gandhi's call that we must be the change we want to see happen in the world, we came to our political efforts with an understanding that we must cast violence from our hearts and minds if we are to cast it from our world; that we must try to love our enemies as well as our friends; and that when a genius of world-historic proportions emerges among us, we cannot and we must not fail to do everything humanly and spiritually possible to support him. For his sake…and for ours.


Having gone to a higher place within ourselves, a higher level of leadership began to emerge among us. A higher level of leader now having emerged among us, he calls us to an even higher place within ourselves. These two forces together can and will, as Obama has said, truly change the world. Having moved one mountain, we'll now remove the ones that remain.

President-Elect Obama!

WOOOO HOOOOO! Today was an amazing, amazing day. Hope and sanity have returned to the United States. Beginning in January it's going to be a lot more fun working a block from the White House than it has been for the last eight years.

And THANK DIETY that Sarah Palin won't be vice president. That woman is seriously scary.

Seriously.

McCain is giving a gracious concession speech as I write this. He has acknowledged the significance of this day for African Americans. I am so happy for my African American friends and the African American community. Some thought they would never live to see this day come. Sadly, Obama's grandmother died yesterday, the day before her dear grandson made history.

This just hit my in box. One of the things I've enjoyed as an Obama supporter has been how personalized the Obama campaign's correspondence with supporters has been. This is what Obama has to say before even making his acceptance speech.

From: Barack Obama
To: Anita Wagner
Sent: Tuesday, November 4, 2008 11:34:44 PM
Subject: How this happened

Anita --

I'm about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first.

We just made history.

And I don't want you to forget how we did it.

You made history every single day during this campaign -- every day you knocked on doors, made a donation, or talked to your family, friends, and neighbors about why you believe it's time for change.

I want to thank all of you who gave your time, talent, and passion to this campaign.

We have a lot of work to do to get our country back on track, and I'll be in touch soon about what comes next.

But I want to be very clear about one thing...

All of this happened because of you.

Thank you,

Barack

A Vote for Obama is a Vote for Freedom of Relationship Choice

OK, folks, for the next 72 hours or so I'm going to go all political on ya, but I'll do my best to keep it light. If you're a regular reader and you don't want to hear/read it, feel free to move on, but please come back soon! I'll miss you.

Yes, I'm a proud Obama/Biden voter. I believe him to be fair-minded and open-minded. I'm hoping that will translate to at least not actively opposing alternative relationships. He's shown no sign of intention to do so, his unwillingness to grant full marriage rights to same-sex couples notwithstanding.

I'm greatly impressed with Barak Obama's intellect and approachable persona. He reminds me so much of Bill Clinton in that regard. Whatever he may lack in long-term Washington experience is to my mind a good thing. He's been a senator long enough to know how things work there, but not long enough to become like so many of the long-timers in Congress, i.e. cynical, jaded, and out of touch.

Like so many others, I'm very tired of the Washington political operative game. Still, I like Joe Biden just fine. I have always believed he is one of the exceptions. He's managed to keep his head on straight and to work the political process to his constituents' advantage, and as a long-time senator he will bring that long-term knowledge of how things work in Washington, as well as his significant foreign policy experience, to the Obama administration.

Considering how the Bush administration has stripped away significant portions of our right to privacy and personal freedom, I've been ready for a change for about seven and a half years now. Considering Bush's cozy relationship with the religious right, there was no way in hell anything would happen that would facilitate the furthering of rights for polyfolk. In fact, for a good while Bush sought to have the U.S. Constitution amended so that legal marriage would only be available to ONE man and ONE woman only.

I think Sarah Palin is both annoying and downright scary, what with her religious extremist views, her smug rejection of global warming as a concept, her inability to cite one major newspaper she regularly reads to stay informed, and her inability to put together a complete, intelligent, non-bullshit sentence. (Sound familiar??)

Palin doesn't and really can't have a clue. Her educational background is shoddy at best, and as a public servant limited to a backwater town and state that in no way is representative of much of the rest of the U.S., she has been used to being able to abuse her power (troopergate) in a way that was stupidly naive. McCain's picking her as a running mate is abusive, cynical, and downright cruel. Clearly he doesn't think he needs a functional VP, and clearly Palin doesn't have the brains to see that she's being exploited, or that said exploitation has backfired bigtime. Besides all that, she and George Bush have way too much in common - why would we want to give a female version of W a chance at the oval office? We've had enough of that kind of idiocy.

I suppose I could live with John McCain if I had to - if God forbid he wins, I don't have much of a choice unless I'm willing to move to Canada or some other country, which I'm not. I'm one of those patriotic Americans who thinks that moving out of the country makes a person a big part of the problem. I believe in staying put, speaking my truth, and working for change. Yet I'm also all for personal freedom, including the freedom to not love America, to not live here, and to not be an American citizen. I won't like you much if you do that, but I support your freedom to make that choice.

I think Obama's meme that McCain will bring another four years of disastrous Bush policies is right on and not simply an empty soundbite. It's clear to me that McCain is just as out of touch with all but the wealthy elite in the U.S. as Bush is.

There are a few conservatives with whom I am close. One good friend, one quasi-partner, and just about all of my family of origin, though saying I am close to the latter is probably an overstatement.

Please tough out the long lines, assuming that's what happens, and cast your vote. Please cast it for Barak Obama. Neither John McCain nor Sarah Palin are poly-friendly people AT ALL. We've just experienced eight years of an administration that actively seeks to limit our personal freedom - why would we elect someone who brings four more years of the same?

I promised to keep it light so here ya go - enjoy!

Response Re: Polyamory Rights, Proposition 8, and the ACLU

This is my response to the letter from Anthony Romero (see this post), Executive Director of the ACLU, regarding support for California Proposition 8 on election day, November 4, 2008:

Hi Anthony -

You wrote of your mother, "She knew that treating gay and lesbian people like second class citizens -- people who may be worthy of "tolerance, " as Sarah Palin asserts, but not of equality -- was and still is the last socially-acceptable prejudice." I hear your pain in that sentence. Correction - I hear OUR pain, and I hear a lack of awareness in that statement. Socially-acceptable prejudice is thriving against the polyamory community, as well as against other sexual minority groups,

In her keynote address at the October 4, 2008 polyamory pride rally in Central Park, queer and sex-positive activist Tristan Taormino said the following:

"Some gays and lesbians have responded to the charge of the “slippery slope” by calling it ridiculous, but others have defended gay marriage by denouncing polyamory. What about those of us who are queer and poly? Queers and polyfolk have a lot in common, and we need to recognize the ways we can help each other. Queer people must stand up and say we believe in the rights of everyone to love, commit to, and marry whomever they want. We must not throw polyamory under the bus in favor of advancing queer marriage rights."

Considering that, as Tristan points out, a sizeable segment of GLBTs also live a poly life, I am reminded of the quote from the venerable cartoon Pogo, "We have met the enemy... and he is us"

The wider polyamory community is well aware that those who've worked so hard for GLBT rights and marriage equality are paving the way for acceptance and equality for polyamorists and other sexual minorities, and we are grateful, even though some of the marriage equality leaders have denied our existence and that our issues exist and are equally legitimate. I get that doing otherwise is believed to place marriage equality in jeopardy thanks to Stanley Kurtz's slippery slope messaging, but it hurts nevertheless to see those who should surely recognize the injustice in that strategy adopt it nevertheless.

We polyamorists certainly have work to do to eradicate anti-poly bias, and we are doing it. Today polyamory is being mainstreamed, largely through strong interest from print, broadcast and electronic media. As polyamory awareness is increased, more and more people oppose what we do. More and more poly people experience discrimination on the job, in family courts where child custody is at stake, and by their friends, family and religious institution. Our heartbreaking experience of discrimination is the same as yours and so many other GLBTs. I hope that as time passes and dyadic marriage equality is made a reality, those who have fought for it will respond to the support we polyfolk have given at crucial times like the upcoming vote on Proposition 8 by proclaiming their support for our rights and our equality.

Thanks for considering!

Polyamory Rights, Proposition 8, and the ACLU

DEAR READERS: Below is a moving story from Anthony Romero, a gay man who is Executive Director of the ACLU. He is requesting support for the defeat of Proposition 8 in California that will take away marriage equality, to which I will next post my e-mailed response to him.

It is indeed important that poly people in California vote no on Proposition 8. Some same-sex couples also live a polyamorous life, and we are all in this together. Defeat of Prop 8 is very important because first, it's a social justice issue that deserves all our support, and second, Stanley Kurtz is right about the existence of the slippery slope as multi-partner marriage is concerned. The difference in our point of view is that we know that isn't a bad thing and that his viral handwringing is a waste of time, whereas he believes that the marital sky is falling. - Anita


Dear ACLU Supporter,

I'm angry and heartsick about what may happen in California on November 4th.

In the most personal way possible, I'm writing to ask you for a favor: help us ensure that gay couples all across California keep their fundamental right to marriage -- the basic right to be treated just like anybody else.

I hope you will forgive the indulgence when I speak from the heart and tell you my personal story.

You see, I grew up in a loving and supportive household, where my family believed I could be anything I chose -- anything except being an openly gay man. Neither of my parents finished high school, and yet, they believed I could accomplish all I set out to do as I went off to Princeton University and Stanford Law School.

They got me through the toughest of times, scrimped and saved, and always believed that failure wasn't in the cards for me. They had more faith in me than I often had in myself. Whenever my parents visited me at Princeton, my Dad would slip a $20 bill in my pocket when my Mom wasn't looking. I never had the courage to tell him that the $20 wouldn't go very far towards my bills, books and tuition. But, it was his support and belief in me that sustained me more than the tens of thousands of dollars I received in scholarships.

When I finished college, they were hugely proud of my -- and their -- accomplishments. That was until I told them I was gay and wanted to live life as an openly gay man.

Though I always knew I was gay, I didn't come out to them for many years, as I was afraid of losing the love and support that had allowed me to succeed against all odds. When I did tell them, they cried and even shouted. I ended up leaving their home that night to spend a sleepless night on a friend's sofa. We were all heartbroken.

When my Mom and I spoke later, my Mom said, "But, Antonio (that's the name she uses with me), hasn't your life been hard enough? People will hurt you and hate you because of this." She, of course, was right -- as gay and lesbian people didn't only suffer discrimination from working class, Puerto Rican Catholics, but from the broader society. She felt that I had escaped the public housing projects in the Bronx, only to suffer another prejudice -- one that might be harder to beat -- as the law wasn't on my side. At the time, it felt like her own homophobia. Now I see there was also a mother's love and a real desire to protect her son. She was not wrong at a very fundamental level. She knew that treating gay and lesbian people like second class citizens -- people who may be worthy of "tolerance, " as Sarah Palin asserts, but not of equality -- was and still is the last socially-acceptable prejudice.

Even before I came out to them, I struggled to accept myself as a gay man. I didn't want to lose the love of my family, and I wanted a family of my own -- however I defined it. I ultimately chose to find my own way in life as a gay man. This wasn't as easy as it sounds even though it was the mid-1980s. I watched loved ones and friends die of AIDS. I was convinced I would never see my 40th birthday, much less find a partner whom I could marry.

As years passed, my Mom, Dad and I came to a peace, and they came to love and respect me for who I am. They even came to defend my right to live with equality and dignity -- often fighting against the homophobia they heard among their family and friends and in church.

The right to be equal citizens and to marry whomever we wish -- unimaginable to me when I first came out -- is now ours to lose in California unless we stand up for what's right. All of us must fight against what's wrong. In my 43 short years of life, I have seen gay and lesbian people go from pariahs and objects of legally-sanctioned discrimination to being on the cusp of full equality. The unimaginable comes true in our America if we make it happen. But, it requires effort and struggle.

One of the things I love about the ACLU is that it's an organization that understands we are all in this together. We recognize that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Given what's at stake in the outcome of this election, I am personally appealing to you for help to fight the forces of intolerance from carrying the day in California next Tuesday.

If you have friends and family in California, please contact them right now, and ask them to vote NO on Proposition 8. You can send them a message here.

We need to make sure people keep in mind that gay people are part of every family and every community -- that like everyone else, gay people want the same rights to commit to their partners, to take care of each other and to take responsibility for each other. We shouldn’t deny that, and we shouldn’t write discrimination into any constitution in any state. Certainly, we can't let that happen in California after the highest court in the state granted gay and lesbian people their full equality.

Unfortunately, due to a vicious, deceitful $30 million advertising blitz, the supporters of Prop 8 may be within days of taking that fundamental right away.

To stop the forces of discrimination from succeeding, we have to win over conflicted voters who aren't sure they're ready for gay marriage but who are also uncomfortable going into a voting booth and stripping away people's rights. With the ACLU contributing time, energy and millions of dollars to the effort, we're working hard to reach those key voters before next Tuesday.

If you have friends and family in California, please contact them right now, and ask them to vote NO on Proposition 8. Share this email with them. Call them. Direct them to our website for more information.

Don't let other young people grow up to be afraid to be who they are because of the discrimination and prejudice they might face. Let them see a future that the generation before them couldn't even dream of -- a future as full and equal citizens of the greatest democracy on earth.

As Martin Luther King, Jr. reminded us, "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." As we strive to defeat Prop 8 and the injustice it represents, the ACLU is trying to make that arc a little shorter.

On behalf of my Mom and family, and on behalf of all the people who will never face legally-sanctioned discrimination, I thank you for being part of this struggle and for doing everything you can to help.

It is a privilege and honor to have you as allies in this fight for dignity and equality.

With enormous appreciation,

Anthony D. Romero
Executive Director
ACLU

P.S. All the polls show that the vote on Prop 8 could go either way. By making just a few calls or sending just a few emails, you could help make the difference. Please, don’t let this fundamental right be taken away. Send an eCard to everyone you know in California.

Poly Values and Poly Bashing in the Illinois Review

The Illinois Review is a blog that describes itself as "the crossroads of the conservative community." Laurie Higgins, Director, Division of School Advocacy, Illinois Family Institute, posted a handwringing oppositional blog post regarding Chicago's proposed LGBT high school.

Note: The Illinois Family Institute is closely affiliated with Concerned Women for America and other religious extremist group with a long history of directly interfering with the rights of sexual minority groups. Most notably they threatened to prompt their religious conservative followers to boycott Chicago area hotels as a way of pressuring hotel owners to cancel legal contracts with organizers of conventions that serve sexual minorities.

In her post, where Higgins attempts to demonstrate that establishing an LGBT high school is a bad idea, she draws a hypothetical comparison to a high school for polyamorous students, and she writes...

"....at least for now, society largely holds the moral conviction that polyamory is immoral ..."

Of course, I couldn't let this stand without comment. I began by referencing remarks made by polyamory author Tristan Taormino on October 4, 2008 at polyamory pride rally in NYC's Central Park:

"....what is scariest of all to our enemies: we practice what they preach. We have values. We have many of the exact same values that they claim over and over we don’t. Values is such a loaded term, it has become laced with religion and morality and the conservative right wing has tried to equate values, like family values, with a heterosexual, 2-parent, married, nuclear family. We need to reclaim the word values. We need to rip it out of the hands of pundits and bigots and stand up to defend OUR polyamorous values."

As the number of polyamorists continues to increase and greater awareness of what polyamory is and is not is achieved, that goal will be accomplished.

Polyamorists love their partners, their children, and value their intentional families just as much as monogamists value theirs. In our sex-sick culture, where sex is openly feared and denigrated while billions are spent behind closed doors on viewing pornography, it is not a surprise that it is the sexual aspect of polyamorous relationships on which sex-obsessed opponents choose to fixate. Polyamorists value healthy adult sexuality in a much more positive way than much of the rest of society, but we are no more sex-focused than monogamists.

It is downright bizarre to see how in other instances our opponents sensationalize our sex lives when in reality we are regular people who focus on sex no more, and possibly even less, than our opponents. Contrary to what some gutter-minded opponents say about us, we are no more likely to sexually abuse our children or expose them to inappropriate sexual activities than anyone else - keep in mind also that this happens at an alarming rate in so-called traditional families. Yet we are frequently referred to by our opponents in the same breath with pedophilia and bestiality. No one segment of society singles out monogamous sex lives for degradation. Multiple partners notwithstanding, polyamorists' sex lives are just as normal, and focusing on them is just as unwelcome, intrusive, and inappropriate.

Polyamorous values include openness and honesty with one's partners and reject outright as unethical and immoral the societal status quo of sneaking around and having secret affairs. Check the statistics on cheating in mainstream society - it is rampant.

The claim that society largely holds the conviction that polyamory is immoral is true only to the extent that it is blind to its own hypocricy. With that in mind, can anyone say with a straight face that the status quo of traditional marriage is more moral than polyamorous relationships? Clearly not.