Obama's Faith Based Policy Signals Intent to Restore Separation of Church and State

For at least eight years sexual minority groups have been the victims of religious extremists' attacks on their freedom such as the one against which the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom is currently defending. If you can spare two minutes to make a call to urge InterContinental Hotels Group and the Holiday Inn of Worthington, Ohio not to bow to public pressure from chief instigator Peter LaBarbara of Americans for Truth About Homosexuality to cancel its contract with Adventures in Sexuality to host Winter Wickedness, one of more than 200 such BDSM events routinely held across the country each year, please do so now. LaBarbara calls the event "a freakish sadomasochistic perversion-fest" and urges people to call the hotel's corporate headquarters to pressure them into canceling "for the sake of decency and public health." For more of the extremist language being used, visit the Americans for Truth About Homosexuality website.

I am encouraged by Barak Obama's efforts thus far to correct some of the disastrous unconstitutional policies of the Bush administration, and I hope that the following signals an end to the blind eye taken by President Bush that encouraged attacks on lawfully-held private events. In this morning's Washington Post I read the following:

Speaking at the National Prayer Breakfast at the Hilton Washington yesterday, Obama said the goal of the [new administration's version of the faith-based] initiative "will not be to favor one religious group over another -- or even religious groups over secular groups. It will simply be to work on behalf of those organizations that want to work on behalf of our communities, and to do so without blurring the line our Founders wisely drew between church and state."

Can it be that the heyday of favortism for religious groups, including those who squander precious revenue teaching failed abstinence-only sex education programs at an annual taxpayer cost of $176 million is finally coming to an end? Can everybody say "HALLELUJAH!"

Call for Poly/Mono Relationship Stories

I am deep in development of an educational program on relationships where one partner is polyamorous and one prefers monogamy. To that end, I'm seeking personal stories and lists of both what to do and why, and what NOT to do and why.

This program will be presented for the first time at Dark Odyssey Winter Fire on Sunday, February 15 at 2:00 p.m. It will be presented at the Poly Living Conference the weekend of ebruary 27 to March 1, and I expect I'll be presenting it at other conferences as well later in the year. By participating you have an opportunity to help others by sharing the lessons you have learned along your poly/mono journey.

I will be happy to give you credit in the program handout upon request. If you must remain anonymous I will use a pseudonym for you, but do let me know about that up front at the top of your response.

By the way, I especially welcome the stories of the monogamous partners and promise to treat them respectfully. I intend to present a fair and balanced perspective on the challenges and rewards of this kind of relationship.

If you are willing, please cut and paste the questions below into an e-mail message and send them to me with your responses at anita.wagner@ practicalpolyamory.com.

Thanks so much!

-------------------------------------------------

Please profide the following info:

Name:

Relationship configuration at present: (i.e. married and mono, not married but in a mono relationship, married and having a secret affair - I promise not to judge you! - living with my mono partner in a primary relationship and have a secondary relationship, etc.):

Sexual orientation of yourself and your partner(s):

How long you have been in your poly/mono relationship:

Whether polyamory has always been "on the table" or whether a partner raised the issue after making a monogamous commitment:

How long has it been since the subject of polyamory was first raised?

What is the status of your poly/mono relationship? (Thriving, broken up, closed again and mono/mono, etc.)

Are there children in the household? If so, are you out to them, and if so, how have they reacted?

What advice would you give to other poly/mono couples?

If the poly partner:

How did you first raise the issue of polyamory with your mono partner?

In hindsight, are you happy with the way the subject was raised or would you do it differently today? If so, how?

What are your recommendations to other polyamorists who are thinking of proposing polyamory to their mono partner? (An itemized list as opposed to a narrative would be helpful here.)

What is it about polyamory that made it important enough to you to go on this journey?

What have been the benefits of seeking to open your mono relationship?

What are the drawbacks?

Is there anything else you'd like to say, and if so, what?


If the mono partner:

What was your initial reaction to the idea of polyamory?

How would you have liked your poly partner to handle the discussion about polyamory differently, if any?

What are your recommendations to other polyamorists who are thinking of proposing polyamory to their mono partner? (An itemized list as opposed to a narrative would be helpful here.)

What advice would you give other monogamous people with poly partners?

What benefits have you experienced from the opening of the mono relationship, if any?

What are the drawbacks?

Is there anything else you'd like to say, and if so, what?

Dating Highway Recommends Polyamory as a Hookup Source

A couple of days ago I came across a blog post entitled "How To Get Too Many Dates Using Only One Powerful Word" on a blog named Dating Highway. I was dismayed to see some of what the author had to say about polyamory.

It goes like this:

Are you one of the millions searching the Internet in the hopes of finding a new best friend with benefits?

If so, then today is definitely your lucky day because I am going to teach you a single word which, if used correctly, almost quadruples your chances of hooking up with multiple dating partners willing to take it to the next level.

All you need to do is use this word with all of your friends as a kind of gentle ice breaker and see how they react. If they seem open to it, you’re in. If not, quickly change the subject and move on to better hunting grounds.

As an extra bonus, potential mates will be doubly impressed that you even know such a difficult word.

Huh! That's not been my experience. In fact, from what I've seen, proposing polyamory for the purposes this guy proposes to someone you don't know whom you've just met who is not a part of a poly-friendly community runs the considerable risk of getting you shot down in flames, especially by monogamously-minded people who are hoping to meet someone for a real relationship. This guy makes it sound like polyamory is all the rage these days. It's certainly gaining popularity, but popularity is a relative thing. There is still a huge majority of people who would never consider anything but monogamy and see anything but to be ethically/morally wrong.

To be fair, the author goes on to explain polyamory, though not very thoroughly. He mentions nothing about openness and honesty. He ends the post by saying the following:

There are also more tools than ever to help you score a poly mate. I recommend www.matchalot.com. Even though this site is still new and needs to get more members, it is still the best way around when it come to how to make new friends easily.

Never heard of it. Maybe he's pimping for his own matchmaking service, which wouldn't surprise me since the blog is heavily layered with commercial ads and infomercial posts.

I find it potentially telling that this guy has declined, at least so far, to publish my comment where I attempted to set straight some erroneous assumptions and impressions and suggested swinging as a legitimate and more appropriate means of finding casual hookup sex. Maybe he's on vacation and not seeing e-mail right now (she says, trying to give the benefit of the doubt...) I'm pretty sure the author is a man, if for no other reason that this gem of a piece of advice in another post on how to get more girlfriends:

Think like a drug dealer. Create a strong desire early, and then clamp down on the supply afterwards to keep them begging for more.

Yeah, man, that'll get 'em to come running! Nothing turns a girl on like a lot of passive-aggressive game-playing.

An Invitation to the Second National Polyamory Leadership Summit

The participants in the National Polyamory Leadership Summit held in New York City on October 5, 2008, invite you to join them for the Second National Polyamory Leadership Summit the evening of Sunday, March 1 and all day Monday, March 2, 2009. Specific times to be announced soon. It will be held at the Holiday Inn, Fort Washington, PA (suburban Philadelphia, following the Poly Living Conference.

The National Polyamory Leadership Summit is convened to gather leaders who serve our community for a professionally facilitated dialogue that further determines common ground and the means by which to move the Polyamory movement forward.

Cost:* $50 in person (limited seating), $25 by teleconference

Requirements for Participation:

Submission of Survey Answers by February 15, 2009 to Anita Wagner at Anita.Wagner@practicalpolyamory.com

Payment of the participation fee by February 15, 2009

Attendees click here to register and pay via Paypal.
Teleconference click here to register and pay via Paypal.
(If you have trouble with the PayPal link right click and please copy the URL to your browser or contact Robyn with Loving More at 970-667-5683 or polysummit@lovingmorenonprofit.org)

A Partial List of Invited Leaders: (in alphabetical order)

Aiken MacIain (relationship expert, Mandala Enterprises)
Alan M (Creator of PolyInTheMedia.com)
Andrew Hoerner (author, Love and Polytics)
Barbara Foster (Author of Three in Love)
Beki Rosenthal MPA (author, educator, mediator “Miss Polyamory” on YouTube)

C.T. Butler (Author, activist)
Catalina Castells ( organizer Free Spirit Gatherings)
Cunning Minx (Creator of Polyamory Weekly Podcast)
Dave Hall (poly presenter/former president of Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality -West division)

David Lynn (LovingMore worker, non-profits specialist)
Dawn Davidson (relationship expert, Mandala Enterprises)
Deborah Taj Anapol (author, Polyamory: the New Love Without Limits)
Dr. Beth Leszczyn (poly psychologist/workshop facilitator)
Dr. David Doleshal (Saturnia Regna/World Polyamory Assoc.)

Dr. Ken Haslam (Creator of the Polyamory Library at the Kinsey Institute)
Dr. Mim Chapman (poly expert/leader)
Dr. Sasha Lessin (co-author, Polyamory: Many Loves/World Polyamory Assoc.)
Elaine Cook (CASCADE) (founding member of Poly Researcher’s List)
Franklin Veaux (poly activist/writer)

Harlan White (UU Poly/ Activist Seattle)
Janet Kiran Lessin (co-author, Polyamory: Many Loves/World Polyamory Assoc.)
Jasmine Walston (Representing Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness)
Jenny Block (Author of Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage)
Jim Fleckenstein (author, Executive Director, Institute for 21st Century
Relationships / Foundation of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom)

Joe Melhado (Leader of Tri-State Poly)
John Ulman (author, media relations)
Jon Webster (polyactivist)
Justen Bennett-Maccubbin (Founder, Polyamorous NYC)
Kamala Devi (poly expert/author)

Kelly Bryson (poly speaker/author/activist)
Kyle Applegate(Director of Membership, Polyamorous NYC)
Leanna Wolfe (Polyamorist, author and anthropologist)
Leon Feingold, Esq. (Director of Legal Affairs, Polyamorous NYC)
Liyana Silver (Creator of Re-defining Monogamy.com)

Lyndell Moore (Former Director of Events Planning, Polyamorous NYC)
Marcia Baczynski (Relationship and sex expert, co-creator of Cuddle Party)
Mary Elizabeth (Poly Group Organizers list and Utah group leader)
Mary Wolf (poly activist)
Matthew Tenney (poly activist, NPLSOG consultant)

Michael Baisden (celebrity radio host and TV One polyamory show producer)
Nan Wise (Therapist and polyamory spokesperson)
Oberon and Morning Glory Zell ( Church of All Worlds)
Patrick Durgin-Bruce (Director of Communications, Polyamorous NYC)
Peppermint (activist and organizer in California)

Pete Benson (Author of The Polyamory Handbook)
Reid Mihalko (Relationship and sex expert, co-creator of Cuddle Party)
Rick Sandford (community activist, organizational development advisor)
Robert McGary (therapist, runs The Human Potential Center)
Serena Anderlini-D' Onofrio (Author, activist)

Simon Deacon (Director of Monthly Meetings, Polyamorous NYC)
Terry Brussel (founder Live the Dream)
Tristan Taormino (Author of Opening Up)
Valerie White (Family Tree Boston/ Lawyer/ Activist/ UUPA)
Zhahai Stewart (poly activist, counselor, facilitator for Human Awareness Institute)

Organizing Committee(in alphabetical order):

Anita Wagner (polyamory advocate, activist, blogger & Loving More Board Member)
Antonia Levy (Director of Academic Relations, Polyamorous NYC)
Birgitte Philippides (National Polyactivist / Former President, Polyamorous NYC)
Buck Lawrence (Treasurer, Polyamorous NYC)

Carol Morotti-Meeker (Board Member, The Institute for 21st Century Relationships /
Foundation of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom)
Diana Adams, Esq. (Vice President, Polyamorous NYC)
Donna Mellan (Director of Business Affairs, Polyamorous NYC)
Jesus Garcia (Board Member of Loving More Nonprofit)

Mark Van Pelt (Former Secretary, Polyamorous NYC)
Michael Rios (polyactivist/Network for New Culture)
MorpheusNYC (polyactivist, founder of Pleasure Positive Movement and nycALTevents)
Robyn Trask (Managing Director of Loving More Nonprofit)
Sarah Taub (polyactivist/Network for New Culture)

Survey

Please answer and return to Anita Wagner
( anita.wagner@practicalpolyamory.com )
Not later than February 15, 2009
(Cut and paste in an email is fine.)

The National Polyamory Leadership Group is a collaborative group of polyamory community leaders from around the U.S. who have come together to work to carry the polyamory movement forward. Its meetings welcome participation both via physical presence and via teleconference. The organization advocates for the interests of all who self-identify as polyamorous regardless of age, gender, race, religion, sexual orientation or political point of view.

All participants are expected to commit to the following:

To volunteer to do their fair share of the work of the group.

To do their best to stay engaged with and aware of the ongoing work of the group.

To collaborate with others in a productive manner.

To keep conflict to a minimum and avoid it entirely whenever possible.

To avoid placing personal agendas ahead of the work of the organization.

In order to help us get to know you better, please provide us with the following survey information via email as instructed above:

Name

Location

Phone Number

Email Address

Local poly groups in which you may participate

How long have you considered yourself a polyamory activist, advocate and/or organizer?

Please describe your polyamory activism, advocacy and/or community organizing experience.

Please describe any analogous activism, advocacy and/or community organizing experience you may have and can contribute.

What other skills and abilities might you contribute, especially those career-related?

Please share your personal philosophy about polyamory activism and what motivates you to join us.

Please share anything else you'd like us to know about you.

We appreciate your interest in becoming part of this groundbreaking effort!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*No profit is realized – expenses for room rental, meals and teleconferencing services are equitably passed through to participants.

Walmart caught selling penis shaped straws to kids.

Oh for pete's sake! I'm one of those people whose reaction to such as this video goes from amusement to outright disgust at the paranoia some people, especially some parents, bring to anything that remotely suggests human sexuality in the context of a child's world. Interestingly, Walmart is usually the source of such extreme reactions (they sell no CDs that include parental warnings), but in this case Walmart is the alleged guilty party.

The video clearly shows that the other straws in the package are made in random shapes. Were the other straw shapes made in some clearly identifiable shape, she might have a point, though I think the interviewer correctly observes that the straws in question could be space shuttles or some such. And if I were the person responsible for designing penis-shaped drinking straws, I think I could do a better and more realistic job.

Next thing we'll be hearing is that using these heinous penis-shaped drinking straws is responsible for a kid being gay, or a slut, or both, later in life.

Lady, get a life.

Mother Knows Sex

Wow! Check this out. Of all things, TLC (The Learning Channel) debuts a reality program on February 1 about a mainstream mom and her grown kids who have made a killing selling what she refers to as "bedroom accessories." Yes, there will soon be dildo talk on TLC.

This family may actually do the sex-positive movement a whole lotta good. The more average people know about sex and pleasure the better, and a seemingly average mom is about as non-threatening as it gets. Everbody (and I do mean EVERYBODY) enjoy!

Barack and Michelle Obama Fisting?

Sorry not to have posted here lately. There are some exciting things happening in the world of polyamory community organizing - I'll be posting about that here soon. In the meantime, enjoy this woman's observances of the, ahem, affectionate way the Obamas interact.